Tuesday, May 22
Me, I speak before I think. When I first meet people I am all quiet introvert. I am a listener who can keep a secret and gives away little about herself. But then, eventually, when I finally feel like I got the measure of you: The other shoe drops and like Dr. J. transforming into Mr. H., without warning, I turn into a loud mouth. Sometimes I really wish I could get myself to stick with a more measured approach: You know, that fabled golden middle.
When I was growing up I was forever reinventing myself. If there was a trait I disliked about myself I'd pretend I was some other little girl who did not possess this unwanted attribute. I did this with such gusto, sometimes I felt like I was my very own science project.
I've been reminiscing a lot just lately. Thinking back to my childhood. I've always been real good at looking forward not back. Don't get me wrong, my future has never looked rosier, but they're a funny thing, memories. They fluctuate, they warp like old wood left out in the rain. Like a magician's rabbit they disappear only to re-emerge when you least expect them to. And here I am thinking to myself: "How'd I forget all that stuff and never even realise something was missing back here, in my internal filing cabinets?"
But then I know this is the same for almost everybody. No total recall for me :) Just colourful little tableaus, moments like faded Polaroids, and not a clue which order they go in.
Memories have always fascinated me. The way they come and go, their unreliability, subjectivity. How they can go from faded to VIVID! and then merge into the background all over again.
Our minds are pretty rad like that, no?
scarf: tie rack
bracelets: etsy & market stall