Sunday, January 29
Just four more days with a plain, pasty white right lower leg. After that it's going to be pretty colourful for the rest of my life.
Getting a tattoo does bear some resemblance to marriage, no? Okay, it's a pretty poor comparison considering the only similarity is permanence. I am really looking forward to getting my second tattoo, but my mind does do little loop de loops every time I try to evaulate what sixty year old Stef might one day think about twenty-nine year old me's more permanent choices.
See, if fourteen year old Stef met with my current self I know she'd be outraged at what she's turned into. I was a Little-Miss-Know-It-All back then (some might argue there is no change there, but I sure got rid of the inconveniently placed stick).
Isn't it intriguing how swiftly we feel estranged from our own past ideals, goals, reasoning and decisions? When I think back to my school days all I can do is shake my head and console myself that it led me where I am now. My early twenties on the other hand I am pretty pleased with (they were fun at the time and hold up well on internal replay too). Even so, these recollections feel just as distant as glimpses of that persnickety, prudish teen I once was. Like watching highlights from an old movie with the volume turned down.
Well, I guess I'll just have to wait and see where life takes me from here ;)
This whole sentiment that our selfs are variable is what inspired this tattoo I am getting on Thursday in the first place.
If you ask me personality is not singular, unchanging, set in stone. I am not only thinking of personal growth over time but also different aspects/parts/ego-states of yourself that co-exist and when combined make up all that is You.
I am a home body who wants to explore the world. I am an introverted extrovert. I am laid back and confrontational. It just depends on the situation and the frame I am in.
You can catch hints of what I am getting at by thinking about what defines you as a daughter, a mother, a professional or a friend. The situations we find ourselves in bring out different sides to us and sometimes you might find that you're not merely adapting to a particular role but that these different aspects of yourself even extend to seperate hopes and dreams, wants and needs. Well, I am over simplifying a little but it gives you a rough idea of what I mean.
Subpersonality theory is a straight forward enough concept but it can be hard to feel your way around, not least because it just seems silly to think of yourself in the plural.
As odd as it appeared at first glance, this framework has really helped me to feel more at home in myself. It's a big enough deal for me to inspire a tattoo, even.
*Linking the subpersonality theory article on wiki just gave me a right giggle. There is a picture of nesting dolls on the page. It took me months to feel my way towards a non-creepy, pleasing visual representation of the concept and there it was right in front of my nose all along. In wiki we trust.
jacket: tulle (modcloth)
violent pink crop sweater: h&m
dress: tara starlet
orchid pink tights