Friday, November 18

Deep Blue


The Tuesday I wore this I didn't feel comfortable in anything but blue on blue on blue. Everything just had to be blue or else major sartorial discomfort. All blue outfit cures the blues and restores peace of mind. The exciting stories I tell, eh?
Apart from my dependence on blue (hardly makes the news, you all know it's my favourite) I've also developed a new addiction: I am hooked on The Vaccines. I listen to them cycling to and from work, at work and only grudgingly unhook myself for outfit shots. That said, my ear plugs are bright blue and would have gone rather well with this ensemble ;)

Even when I indulged in a Primark spree after my dentist check-up I remained plugged in, looping Wolfpack, Noorgard and Family Friend. If You Wanna was setting my rhythm when I spazzed out over snagging the last awesome-rust-coloured-military-style-in-a-material-that-feels-really-cosy coat in my size. I squealed a little. People turned. Luckily I am not easily embarrassed. Nothing wrong with squealing over a coat.. or gasping at cobalt blue tights two quid a throw. Apparently I am a worryingly transparent bargain whore.
Mind you, I am a bit transparent anyway. I can't seem to keep emotions from showing bold as brass. My face betrays me. It's almost comical, I am just glad I don't have to watch all that over emphatic movement flicker across my features all day long. There is even involuntary brow wiggling. I am especially glad I don't have to see all the brow wiggling.

Granted, my expressions are probably not really quite as clownish as they appear when I hit replay in my mind. Clearly my habitual self scrutiny only serves to exaggerate moments of Stef brand awkwardness. I step out of myself so to say and take a step back to watch the sit-com that is my life.  I observe awkward old me Bozo-ing through my day honking my nose and spitting flags. Perception. Subjective experience. Sometimes I have to remind myself that eyes turned inward are blinded to the wonders of the outside world.

You know they say “love yourself”. Well, that seems a tad saccharine to me, but: Myself and I, we get along. I used to be a black belt at self loathing, laying into myself every step of the way. What with the constant internal tirades and tellings off I was subjecting myself too,  I was so busy wincing at my myriad of blunders I was blind to the rest of the world. Self absorption is exhausting. Over time I’ve learnt to let me be. Live a little. Let the chips fall where they may *wiggle*
It’s true: If you don’t like yourself you’ll be hard pressed to feel love for anyone or anything else either. 

But just because I don’t immediately lay into myself every time I don’t meet my astronomical standards doesn’t mean I am all loved up with little old me. I refuse to overlook my shortcomings, if I did, how would I ever grow? I just do my darndest not to judge myself more harshly than I would everyone else and these days, for the most part I succeed. 
 
When it comes down to it I'll take freakishly emphatic over unmoving any day, even if it makes me look like an escapee from Arkham at times.
So in short, if any of the above sounds familiar: Cut yourself some slack, nobody else is noticing half the stuff you are agonizing over :)

Make this one an unapologetically awesome weekend. Who's with me?! ;)

earrings: present (pass me down)
pin: decoylab (etsy)
cardi: primark
dress: porride (modcloth)
belt: h&m
royal blue tights: welovecolors
brogues: office

8 comments:

  1. Great post! I love your words of wisdom :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. AmberBlueBird83November 18, 2011

    I'm with you!  I am really trying not to give too much time to worrying about what others think of me.  Its hard but I am sure I will get the hang of it sooner or later.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Your nail colour is amazing!

    ReplyDelete
  4. i'm totally in love with this outfit. NICELY DONE!!!! 

    ReplyDelete
  5. haha i'm a bargain whore, too. and i love your writing so much. that pin is amazing!!! 

    p.s. you really should enter my blogger secret santa!! (http://www.blorangedice.com/2011/11/blogger-secret-santa.html)

    ReplyDelete
  6. so true. about cutting yourself slack. i love your color on color takes.

    ReplyDelete
  7. fashionforgiantsNovember 19, 2011

    Fabulous post, fabulous dress.  Hope you're having that awesome weekend!

    ReplyDelete
  8. i enjoyed this blog post! i always need to listen to the advice of cutting myself some slack. haha. i adore all the blue! the shades and textures are great.

    ReplyDelete